Sep 30, 2014

Posted by in Dating Fiascos | 0 Comments

It’s not me.. it’s you

So I was dating this guy.. let’s call him Chuck….Everything was his way or no way the entire trip.. but that was just the beginning.

Chuck and I had a previous dating history and it didn’t work out, but he contacted me and said he had something he needed to tell me and asked if he could meet up. I asked what it was about and he said he thought we should try dating again. So after some thought I agreed to getting together for this conversation. He asked where I wanted to meet up to talk. Told him that if this conversation was about how we should date again that maybe he should start by planning a date. So we meet for dinner and he professes his love for me – that he thinks I’m “the one” and that he sees a future with me. That he’s been on other dates and none of them compare to me… So we have dinner and I tell him I need to give what he said some thought. Things with him seemed different and in a much better place than they were the first time around so I decided to give it another chance. We started to hang out and things were going well and we were having fun and getting along great. We decided to plan a road trip to LA – I was super excited for obvious reasons (seeing the ocean, riding beach cruisers along the boardwalk, putting my toes in the sand), but also because this would be a true test if things really were different this time around.

Day 1:

Road trip started off pretty decent although it seemed I was the ONLY one coming up with things to talk about. When it was his turn to drive, he missed the exit and we lost about an hour – he was getting very frustrated and upset and I tried to calm him down.. didn’t go so well. We get to the hotel and decide to go to a bar/club. Interesting crowd but still had a good time. Day 1 seemed to be going pretty well… so I was excited about day 2.

Day 2:

We wake up and get ready for the day, as I’m finishing up Chuck says “Are you about done?” Mind you I had gotten up early to give myself time to get ready, he woke up late and rushed – got ready about 5 minutes before I was done and has the nerve to say that to me? I was annoyed but let it slide because we had a lot planned for the day. We head down to the beach and get our beach cruisers. I had never done that before on the beach so I was VERY excited. The place even gave me a purple bike (one of my favorite colors). So he had some plans of where he wanted to ride and go to lunch so I was just following him – which was a task in itself since he automatically started to ride off kind of far ahead of me. We get to the pier and needed to take our bikes up the stairs in order to get to the bridge. This guy did not even OFFER to help me with my bike… No “let me help you with that” No “do you have it okay” Not even a look back to make sure I had in fact made it up the stairs with my bike! Now, I consider myself a pretty independent woman and I have some decent muscle – so completing this task wasn’t necessarily a challenge. I was more so annoyed that this guy I’m dating had absolute no concern or manners to even offer to help me out. I was convinced at this point that chivalry may actually be DEAD with this one.

We then ride our bikes up to the street of shops and walk around and have lunch. Do some more wandering around and then grab our bikes and head back to the boardwalk to ride some more. He proceeds to ride far ahead of me, not even looking back to make sure I’ve made it across streets or am still behind him. So in an effort to make this more of an “inclusive” experience I catch up to him and ride next to him – he proceeds to tell me “you can’t do that we are going to run into people.” We then arrive at the other pier where he wanted to take me so we could walk out and watch the surfers, see the sail boats and watch people fish. I was standing in one of the alcoves watching the surfers and he says “let’s go to this one up here” I politely said that I wanted to stay and watch where I was so I could see the surfers ride the wave in (because the next alcove up would be behind them and I wouldn’t be able to see it from that perspective). He gets annoyed and walks to the other alcove. Shortly after I walk up to join him in that alcove and turn around to say something to him and he was wondered off on his own. So at this point I assume we are kind of doing our own thing for a minute so I walk to the end of the pier to take some panoramic pictures of the beach, watch the people fishing and check out the sail boats – and quite frankly just enjoy the breeze, the sound of the ocean and beautiful view. As I grab my bike to head back to meet him I get a text telling me that we are going to turn the bikes in because he is ready to go… mind you it was 1pm and we had the bikes reserved until 5pm. So I ask why he wants to do that when we have planned to be out there longer. He tells me that he feels like he’s on this trip by himself.. and that if he wanted to come on a trip alone he would have. I about lost it.. considering he is the one who has not been inclusive pretty much the entire day. We have an argument.. He tells me that I don’t look like I am having any fun, that he doesn’t feel like we are here as a couple… I of course get a bit defensive because overall I was having a great time.. did I also feel like I was on the trip alone or with a friend versus someone I’m dating – yes! But it wasn’t a big enough deal to through a fit over and ruin the trip. I told him that if he felt like we weren’t doing things together that was his own fault (riding ahead, not looking back to make sure I’m there, not one attempt to hold my hand or put an arm around me, wandering off on his own at the 2nd pier.. the list goes on). When all is said and done we decide to make the best of the day and still do what we planned and just enjoy it. After all, we are adults and should be able to do that right? After riding around and checking out a few more sites we decide to stop in a bar and have a beer. Here I am again.. the ONLY one trying to make conversation. It was seriously excruciating. I have never been around someone that has so little to say. Let me give you an example:

Me: Would you do that para sailing thing over the ocean?
Chuck: No
Me: Oh my gosh look at that person’s crazy outfit
Chuck: (silence)
Me: So are there any other things I need to see on the boardwalk before we head back?
Chuck: I don’t know.

REALLY?!?! I mean I get that he is probably annoyed from what happened earlier but that doesn’t mean you can’t hold a conversation and actually insert things from your own brain to keep it stimulating!

We take the bikes back and head to the hotel to rest and change for dinner. Back at the hotel we are just laying on the bed relaxing and he says “Do you wanna talk” A bit annoyed because I thought he meant about what happened earlier which we had already discussed.. and he said “No – like actually talk, have a conversation” So I said “Okay what would you like to talk about?”

Chuck: I don’t know
Me: Well I don’t know either – frankly I am the only one that has been leading conversation for 24 hours now and I don’t really have much else to talk about with you
Chuck: Okay (looks at me) Did you do something different to your hair?
Me: No
Chuck: Oh, it looks pretty. (looks at my eyes) I like your eye make up, is it purple?
Me: Yes
Chuck: It’s very pretty. I really like your freckles…

OKAY.. I think you guys get the point. Is this guy for real? You have NOTHING to say so you start to make every part of my body a topic of conversation.. no thanks.  What a JOKE! I could have had a more intelligent conversation with a pet dog!

He canceled the plans he originally had at a fancy place (which after what happened earlier I was completely okay with) and we decided to go to some BBQ place by the hotel. I pitched in for dinner – implying that this was no longer a “dating” situation and we went to a club for drinks. We get there and have drinks and find a place to sit. At this point I am literally out of things to talk about – 4 hour car ride guiding the conversation, plus all afternoon.. I’m TAPPED out! So we sit there in awkward silence while everyone around us is mingling and having a good time. He decides to go into the room with the dance floor so I join him. We are dancing (not together) but by each other when all of the sudden he YANKS my arm. I ask him why he pulled me like that and he said because he wanted me to dance with him. Mind you i was standing less than a footstep away from him prior to the yanking of my arm. So I told him I didn’t appreciate that and he blew up and said “Let’s Go” – fine by me I wasn’t enjoying the night anyway. So we leave and head back to the hotel. Total silence in the car.

We get back to the hotel, get ready for bed and he tells me that we need to talk. I tell him there is nothing to talk about – we obviously don’t work well as a couple and that became very apparent on this trip.. so let’s just call it what it is and head back to Vegas in the morning. He then starts to yell at me telling me I need to talk to him about it and that I need to “roll over and speak to him.” I let him know I don’t have to do anything I don’t want to do and there is (yet again) nothing to discuss. He then tells me how horrible of a person I am and that everything was my fault and that he didn’t do anything wrong. We fall asleep.

Day 3:

We wake up and get our stuff together to leave. He leaves and says “I’ll meet you at the car.” I finish packing, grab my stuff and head down to his car. We get in the car and head back to Vegas. We didn’t say a word to each other – talk about awkward road trip! But to make things worse he was controlling the music and was playing like old school R&B and Slow Jams. Now.. had the trip gone well and we were still planning to date and were all “lovey dovey” I wouldn’t have minded this music.. but the car ride was already awkward.. that type of music just made it worse.

We finally make it back and he drops me off at my house. I throw up the deuces, grab my stuff and say BYE!

 

I have never been on a trip with someone so stubborn and clueless about their own actions in my life. Mr. Chuck… It’s not me.. It’s you.

 

Sidenote: Based on how things went with him the first time around – I should have known better. I let a lapse of judgement and thinking people can actually make positive changes in their lives get the best of me. I also spoke with some friends who know more about the culture of where this guy is originally from and they said that the personality he has is just how they are raised and that they are very stubborn, set in their ways and are not open to other people’s opinions. – Thanks for the validation that it really isn’t me  😉

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